So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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