Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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