We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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