The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
