He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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