so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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