Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
