i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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