i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
