somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize