im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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