I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
