the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
