Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love black thongs
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
