Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize