I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
