I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
