I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
