i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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