I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
