We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude