she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS