I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night