sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2