nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.