worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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