new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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