I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
