i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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