gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
