Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
