That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
