I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
