how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
