oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
