I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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