I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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