I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
