she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
