I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize