the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
