I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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