Sober January is a disaster.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
