No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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