I CAN MOONWALK!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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