Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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