I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
