Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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