So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
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Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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