Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
God, I missed his penis.
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