I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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