im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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