Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
