you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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