Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
