You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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