She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
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Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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