Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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